Few situations in your life are as painful and difficult to endure as a divorce, especially if you are a parent. Your kids may not be completely aware of the problems you and your spouse have been dealing with, or they could be way more aware than you think. Kids can be incredibly perceptive. You won’t know where your kids stand on your divorce unless you talk to them and prioritize their feelings. An Indianapolis divorce lawyer can help you figure out a plan forward.

It’s understandable to feel wary about involving your kids in your divorce. You may feel like you are protecting them from further heartbreak by leaving them out of this situation. Unfortunately, you may only be pushing them further away by making them think you don’t trust them. That’s why it is so important to speak to your kids about everything that’s happening.

Your life is changing drastically, but so is theirs. You are in this together. Always keep that in mind.

Getting Divorced When Kids Are Involved

Divorce is painful enough without also having to account for your kids’ emotions, questions, and physical well-being. When you ultimately realize that your marriage has reached its end and there is no going back for either of you, your initial priority may be to file for divorce and sever all emotional, financial, and marital ties with your spouse. Depending on the situation, you may want to get them out of your life as soon as possible. If kids are involved, that might not happen.

You may end up so focused on severing ties with your spouse that you inadvertently neglect the emotional needs of your children. If that happens, you’ll have to shift gears and start prioritizing how your kids are feeling.

Depending on how aware they are of your divorce, your kids may be confused, scared, heartbroken, or even angry. You may be feeling the same towards your spouse. However, unlike you, your kids may not be emotionally mature enough to work through those feelings alone.

According to information collected by the U.S. Census Bureau, Indiana has one of the highest divorce rates in the entire country. As of 2021, the divorce rate in Indiana was 8.4 per 1,000 people, which is significantly higher than the national estimated rate.

How to Talk to Your Kids

Going through a divorce can be emotionally draining, and you may want to consider reaching out to a local divorce support group such as DivorceCare. Talking to someone about your situation can be helpful.

It can be very difficult to talk to your kids about your divorce. It may be a subject you have been avoiding for far too long. The longer you put it off, the harder it may be to help your kids face this situation the correct way. If you don’t do this right, your kids could potentially face some permanent emotional trauma that will impact their future relationships. You don’t want to be responsible for that. Here are some ways you can approach the topic with your kids:

  • Above all, the most important thing you can do for your kids is be present. In a divorce, your kids may be floundering with no idea how to move forward as a family. They are going to have questions, confusion, and fears, and they are going to lash out. You should make them feel like you are a safe space for those concerns. They should be able to talk to you about anything. Be honest with them and hold yourself accountable for your own mistakes.
  • Your kids shouldn’t have to suffer because of your contentious relationship with their other parent. You should avoid putting them through conflicts that are related to your spouse. This divorce isn’t their fault, so they shouldn’t have to deal with the emotional consequences. Don’t insult the other parent in front of them, and don’t engage in parental alienation. Be the bigger person and focus on your kids’ well-being.

FAQs

Q: Which Parent Gets Full Custody in Indiana?

A: There is no telling which parent will get full custody in Indiana. The court will need to consider many different contributing factors. The court doesn’t automatically side with the mother or the father without first consulting the evidence. Each parent shares equal responsibility under the eyes of the law. The court will likely try to push for joint custody, which ensures each parent holds 50% of the responsibility of raising their kids.

Q: Which Is the Most Effective Custody Arrangement?

A: There is no sure way to determine which custody arrangement is the most effective. Child custody needs are going to be different for everyone. What works for one set of divorced parents may not be the right thing for another. The court tends to favor joint custody, but that might not be an ideal situation for two divorced parents, especially if they live on opposite sides of the country now. The court must do what’s right for the child.

Q: Can Mediation Help in a Divorce?

A: Yes, mediation can often be a significant help in a divorce settlement. Sometimes, sitting down with an unbiased third party and talking things through can work wonders. You may be able to negotiate child custody, alimony, and even asset division through mediation. However, this only works if both parties are open to compromise and a civil conversation. In a contested divorce, mediation may be fruitless.

Q: When Should I Start Dating?

A: Everybody moves past their divorce at their own speed. Some may be ready to start dating months or even weeks after their divorce is finalized. For others, it may take years to fully move on. You should always consider your kids’ needs. If they aren’t comfortable with a new adult in the house, you may want to avoid dating for the foreseeable future. You don’t want them to think you’re trying to replace their other parent.

Contact Us Today

At Stange Law Firm, we can help you figure out the right moves for your divorce. Contact us to speak to someone on our team about your case.